With each new day...

Every morning in this conflicted land only serves to further entangle my every thought, prayer, and heartbeat. I can pick up the scent of Indian air on my arm as I lay curled up in my complimentary airplane blanket, the rays of consciousness just beginning to pierce my sleeping mind. Distant whisperings from the hearts I have come to love gently pull me into this world. When I gather the courage to open my eyes and greet the rapidly approaching day, I am warmed by the sight that tightens its grip on my soul with each passing dawn. Lined up across the window, their precious faces pressed against the glass and their imploring fingers cupping all-seeing eyes, the little ones that have filled my tomorrows watch and wait for us to rise. They excitedly report each new development, repeatedly whispering our names to themselves in the hopes that it will hurry us to their arms.

Their love leaves me broken. Their loyalty is something neither valiant leader nor great king has ever experienced. Their every breath fills me with shining truth. I have never before felt so exposed, so convicted, or so entirely unworthy than during my time here. Since we have but a few sentences of mutual understanding, our surface communication has been limited to greetings, thanks, and ‘I love you’. I can no longer hide behind my qualifications or my lengthy explanations. They simply look at my face and know. I can no longer impress with my resume, or contort my character with words to seem more appealing to the untrained eye. They see directly through the maze I have surrounded myself with. Because of this, I honestly believe that without feeling obligated to fill the space between us with accounts of our life experiences, lessons learned, hopes and dreams, success and failures, the very core of our beings closes the distance and intertwines our spirits. It is a connection that surpasses explanation. It is a breathtaking moment that I think God delights in, when a heart just as it was created meets another of its kind.

The constancy and comfort of my Johnson County life has no place here. I am astounded by the resolute and resounding acquiescence to the object of survival; if one’s in a hurry, it is no problem to simply form another lane on the wrong side of the road. Stop signs are ignored, personal space irrelevant, and all American senses of propriety, time, and social cues completely disregarded. This is a place that tears down my safety net entirely, leaving me raw and impulsive. Being so alive, so real, has been a pleading prayer of mine for the longest time. It is almost painful to realize that upon arriving home, the walls are sure to go back up if I let them. But I plan to fight it with all that I am. I want these unparalleled children to forever have a place beyond barriers, no matter the tears and hurt that comes with that vulnerability. They have pried open my heart with undeserved tenderness. I take so much in my life for granted, but that honor is something that will resound for all eternity.