My fingers tapped a disjointed beat on my steering wheel to the radio song that quickly faded with little significance into the space of my car. There I sat, feeling minimal interest as the cars passed in predictable sequence while inhaling and exhaling still-freezing air with exaggerated plumes of imaginary smoke. Then impatience began to rise with the continued intrusion of that blasted red light as I waited at a stand-still, looking for the green arrow that would usher me along toward my destination. Soon my thoughts began to wander because, ironically enough, they have a mind of their own.
With some frustration, I realized my life at this point is just one blinding stoplight after the other. I’ve got people on both sides taking quick peeks into the windows of my heart, trash has begun to pile up where the forgotten, the lingering, and the invasive have ridden beside me in the passenger seat, and I rev the gas in preparation for my next move. Those in other lanes have been given the right of way, the green light, the granted permission to move forward while I watch and wait with increasingly yearning eyes and an ever-pining soul. In my rearview mirror, the light and dark of my past battle for my future while those I have left behind stand amongst the smoking wreckage…in my heart I know that when the light turns green, I will hesitate but a moment before leaving it all behind me. And whether the destination is near or far I’m ready for whatever it takes to get there, flat tire or tired spirit. I just hope that my feelings of insignificance fade, replaced by the knowledge that though I wander, though I yearn for more, my heart is not aimless.
